Fresh jokes

I know you are hear just to laugh, so here we go

Neighbors in Montana

A sucessful business man became disenchanted with the stress of the fast life in the big city and decides to chuck it all. He takes his savings and purchases a large ranch in the middle of nowhere in Montana. After a couple of months of enjoying the solitude he hears the drumming of hoofbeats outside his cabin. Grabbing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the horse. "Hold it neighbor" the man says, " I'm your neighbor, I have a ranch only 6 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. There's going to be music, dancing, hugging, kissing, drinking, fighting.... We'll have a great time". Not wanting to be unneighborly the new rancher lowers the rifle and ask's " How should I dress?" " Aw, don't matter" replied the neighbor, " Only gonna be the two of us".


An old guy and his son had a one-mule farm where they eked out a living. One day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000. He rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back home, where he told his father the good news, and handed him $50 bill.

The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you know I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford a license to legally marry your Ma."

"Pa!" the son exclaims, "do you know what that makes me?"

"Sure do," said the old guy fingering the fifty-dollar bill. "And a damn cheap one, too."


A man approaches his best friend's wife one day when her husband is at the office. "Will you have sex with me?" he asks.

"No. My husband wouldn't approve."

"O.K. What if I give you $1000?"

"Well, for a $1000 I think I will. Come back tomorrow afternoon when my husband is at work."

So the man shows up next day and slaps $1000 on the table and they do whatever it was they did(!!!). In the evening her husband comes home a little distraught:

"Was my best friend here today?"

"Y-y-yes." his wife says with concern.

"And did he leave $1000?"

"Y-y-yes." she says expecting the worst.

"Oh good, what a great pal he is. He came in this morning and asked if he could borrow $1000 from me and promised to return it this afternoon!"


A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?"

"A multi-millionaire."


Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.